Campaign Story

Hello you guys. My name is Randi Johnson. I am 30 years old and trying to become a mom again. I’m going to start with a back story. In 10/16/ 2009, at 17-year-old I found out I was pregnant. Confuse out my mind I had spoken to my mom about decision because I was 11 days from my 18 birthdays, and I was thinking about my life. After days of consideration, I decided to keep my child. Even though the child father was happy and wanted to be to rid the child, but I knew with my family support I would be able to raise my child. On top of that I also wanted someone to love me unconditional for once. The father was toxic, and my childhood was traumatizing so this was my chance for my own mini family, and I would give that child the love I always wanted for myself. Over the next 9 months I end up having to move with my babyfather family due to disagreements with my mother. The time with my child father was horrible. I felt the hate from him because he didn’t want to be a father believe it or not his excuse was “I got to stop playing basketball and get a job” crazy right. Barely having food, having to deal with other women coming to the house rub in my face we were no longer together. Barely being fed, had to beg to be taken to dr appointments. MOVING FURNITURE!! This was my first experience of depression but, I made myself push on because I wanted to prove to my son what love is. I wanted to show the people I love the correct way to love threw my son. As it gotten closer to my day around 8 months, I patch things up with my mother and the emotional, and mental abuse with my child father family gotten worst. I was excited for a baby shower, and I wasn’t allowed to have one. Me and my mother plan after I gave birth to my son we were going to move and get away from them. I didn’t want my child to be treat nowhere like how I was. My mother was perfect, but I know when it come to children my mother would be there for me. So here we are my nineth month and my last dr appointment. To me everything was normal but…. They told my blood pressure was sky high. I didn’t’ know at that time how serious that was and if I could go back, I would’ve asked to be indued that day. But my doctor told me they going to send me home, and indue me on next Tuesday May 26, 2010, at 7 pm. I was excited. All the pain, tears, loneliness, abuse was finally going to be worth it I’m going to meet my son! I remember my mom called me over the weekend saying the had a dream that my decease great grandmother was holding my son saying “why this baby not eating “see… my mother and grandmother always told me our family have dreams that gives warning to the real world…. Sound crazy as hell, right? I thought she was crazy! She begs me to go to the doctor and I just telling her I was fine she was overreacting she even sent my grandmother to come take me to the hospital. I even told her I was fine, and mommy was just tripping but …. she wasn’t crazy…. to this day I wonder if I just would’ve gone my life would be different. Now its Monday the day before I met my son. I went in to pay for my baby circumcision. I paid the 200$ but made a note to say the nurse “hey, I notice my barely felt my baby move all weekend”. The nurse stated to me that its normal for him not to move like that when its time for birth but just in case… we can check. That put a strap around me and told me to press this button whenever I feel him move… I think in 20 mins I only press the button once. Which made her give me an ultrasound. Again, she stated he fine just come back tomorrow to have him and rest for the day. I laid there on the couch (that’s where I slept the whole pregnancy) I gotten a text from my babyfather from the other room saying “I hate you for ruining my life I hope you and that baby died” tears dripped down my face, but it just made determining to never let my child feel unloved and I will love him enough for two parents in one. I made that decision there I did not need him any of them and I would show them… fast forward to the next day I was excited! The only day since I found out I was pregnant I was smiling, and it look good on me. I’m finally about to meet my son. My mom came in and I haven’t seen her since I was 4 months, I miss her. It felt like she came to save me. I waddle in the hospital they weigh me and move me the room and that’s when my world was crushed. The nurse doing the normal routine. But when the heartbeat monitor graze my stomach I didn’t hear nothing. The room is silent, everyone waiting for the sound… 2 mins went by, and I start to panic, and the nurse said I be right back… I was confused angry like “why they have a broken machine, I’m ready to have my baby” then a dr. came in…. a doctor that wasn’t my doctor. She begins to say a lot of medical terminology that I just didn’t understand! So, I yelled out “WHATS GOING ON WITH MY SON?!” she looks at me and said, “his heart isn’t beating” so again I yelled out “okay do the emergency c section what we are waiting for??” she looks at me and said “I’m so sorry it’s too late, he gone hunny” …. I can’t explain the hurt I felt. I let out an unruly scream that scared everyone outside the room. I was going crazy screaming for my mother! She came up with baby clothes she just bought from Walmart, and she hug me I was sick I was broken what was all that hurt for? Why did I deserve this! Why did he deserve this! It was unfair…. the doctor came in a couple minutes later asking me did I want c section or vaginal. I said c-section, but my mom didn’t want to deal with the physical pain on top of the emotional paid. I decide to push him out. I remember that doping me up on depression medicine also I was on suicidal watch. I laid there in the middle of the night just mad thinking this was a nightmare. Wake up the next month the contraction started, and I gotten the epidural which I found out I was allergic too. they gave two dose of Benadryl which knocked me out. I woke up to different people coming to see me. Almost felt like I am movie every time I blink a new person, I guess it was the drugs was lol. I woke up finally to my nurse waking me up telling me its time to push. I push him twice and he was here…. Jamicah Amore Harrison, 4lbs 18 inch. It was so silent. no cry. Then reality hit me again and tears start flowing down my face. they ask me did I wanted to hold me, and I was so disgusted like why you would ask me why I want to hold my dead son! My mother apologizes for me and tells them to come back later. Everyone was trying to tell me to hold him I’m going to regret not doing so. But I was too angry. By this time my baby father came to the hospital, first time since I been there his mother told him the horrible news. He came in just stared at me for 10 mins and left…. I was numb I didn’t even care…. I did call the nurse in and told him I was ready to hold him. The 5 mins she was gone I was terrified and was thinking to change my mind. Before I could push the nurse button there, she was…. holding my lifeless soon. When she put him in my arms. He felt warm… not dead but sleep. I put my ear to his chest. I didn’t hear nothing…. I pray and ask God to help him. I prayed so hard just for him to breathed. I even did a mini cpr…. But it was true my baby was gone…. So, I just held him til I couldn’t. I didn’t want to leave with out him. After I held him, my mom did. And she came back to my room and told me God going to cover me and I basically told her that God wasn’t real because why would he let me go threw all that and take my son life? what did he do?? I was so angry I denounce GOD for a long time. But I did end up getting better. Until I had gotten back the autopsy. One I was so made they mailed my son ashes in a plastic bag like he was nothing. I read the autopsy and basically my baby couldn’t breathe, was eating, and my blood pressure was so high he said blister all over his little baby! It was no way the doctors didn’t see this I was passed angry. I tried to sue twice but it didn’t work. I sat and talked to my son told him I’m sorry. I failed him, I didn’t protect him. The next couple months was hard I just wanted the pain to stop. I even tried to get pregnant again and the same day they told me I was pregnant I had a miscarried. I felt defeated. What’s wrong with my body. I was scared to try again. 2013 I met my current partner. He showed me what love is. I finally was happy, and I can say I experience genuine love. We been together for 10 years and I have yet to get pregnant. Nether one of us have kids and I thank him for staying with me because he really wants kids and I felt like a broken woman. We live out life happy, but I always wanted to give him the child he deserves. I love him he is amazing with kids. But he told me if its not by me he doesn’t’ want any. Which just hurt my heart because I know he sacrifice something big to him because he wants to be a father. So here it is 2023 13 years after loosing my son. I would’ve had a teenager, holidays are hard. First day of school is hard. Being around my nieces and nephews is hard. I just want to be a mom again. I want to push out my son and hear the cry. I just want another chance. After trying so long, countless of treatments, herbs, prayer, I finally have thee chance to be a mom. IVF was always out of reach but find out my job covers insurance for me and all I have to pay out of pocket is 4135.66. I’m asking for help which is way out of character. But my need to be a mom is way better than my pride. I know this is a long shot but PLEASE just please help me. Its right there! I can see it yell…. I can be a mom. I want that moment to prove to myself all this I went through was for something. Thank you so much in advance!